Wednesday, 18 May 2016

The batwing

“Ahhhh!” I hear screams as I walk beside the deadly roller coasters. I'm going to die. Here I am at movie world in Australia, one of the worst moments of the year.

It’s nearly time to leave for the day as I hear my dad ask “Do you want to do the bat wing?” What should I say? What happens if it breaks down? We'll be up there for ages! 

My eyes are riveted to the bat wing. I slowly look up as it gets taller and taller. I have to do it though. I can hardly breathe as I answer “Fine, I’ll do it.” I'm going to close my eyes, it is too tall.
The line moves forward. I get more and more nervous as I clutch my dad's arm. I've got wobbly legs, I secretly hope I'm not tall enough. I've got butterflies in my stomach as I hear the countdown. The countdown gets lower I feel sweat rolling down my cheeks and then I hear 5… 4…. 3… 2… 1…! There's no going back it's too late to escape. 
I learnt that if you write in the present tense it sounds a lot better. I also learnt how to do a good hook. My hook was “Ahhhh!” I hear screams as I walk Beside the deadly roller coasters. I'm going to die.  It went well because it connected to an emoion I also put full stops and capital letters in the right place. My next step is to put more bright sparks words in my writing.

1 comment:

  1. Yes I remember that feeling too. Pretty sure I won't be doing that again. Good job Finn 😁